He- is my weatherman

2007-02-10T15:19:00.001+08:00

http://berullagio.blogspot.com

to go or not to go.

2006-11-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

http://berullagio.wordpress.com/

should i leave for good?
or have it as second residence.
i needa new template but blogskins is just overflowing with bad designs that hurt my eyes.

uh oh. what are we doing on broadway.

2006-11-06T19:00:00.000+08:00

op on thurs. ok, deep breath - "i dont care already". it's so subjective anyway, was talking to yongjin ytd. he says only hope is when yanshuo becomes minister of education, for him to abolish pw. i think he will reintroduce s papers though. Today...i've eaten many things.

oops, have i contaminated your dinner?

2006-11-05T20:44:00.000+08:00

desperation and boredom.
im not volunteering at the kitchen dept as well.

me, a name, i call myself.

2006-11-04T22:34:00.001+08:00

home alone. not afraid of the dark today. i feel like a hero after doing pw i and r. (note to self: test out the replacement superman tshirt for church tmr. if quality is compromised, im burning the shop down, in all goodwill of consumers near and far)

mummy, daddy, please come home with food soon. i'm so hungry i feel like sleeping cos when i think about how i fried the spaghetti and egg and microwaved the teriyaki chickwings AND washed up everything responsibly this afternoon at 2pm, i try to doubt my hunger. ohya. even making the iced milo was a mistake, because...aiyah. so embarassing.

question: is life a life of waiting?
like. u wait...(do something while waiting)...wait...(do more things, think a bit)...wait.

ok. the wait is OVER. food beckons.
the next wait will be for you, whoeveryouare.

ohdear, what it takes to be happy.

2006-11-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

i was just lamenting how boring and unproductive im becoming.
then with senthil telling me on thurs after my councilcamp meeting 'hey. how's everything...enjoy your uh, holidays, damn it. i have a-levels' (of course i told him to enjoy his a-levels with like, the purest of intentions, adding 'damn it, i have holidays', in respectful return) okok. no offence dude. haha.

then chinghui said my life seems to be more interesting than his. (raise eyebrow) hmm, it sure must be very mentally draining studying for a-levels indeed, the 'sense' in you that gets drained away. ok kidding.

but looking at the squares of my life for the next 1+ month, actually, it's not that bad. there's pw. there are medical appointments (i really really love them.). i wrote a speech on why colours are important in our lives just now(ok, shamelessly, i think it was not bad for talking cock. ask me. gavel here i come.) im having a webchat (online spam session) with minister of state for education and senior parliamentary secretary with the rp3 people. how come these people have so many jobs lumped tgt. is it that easydeasypeasyweasy?

then, there's council retreat. which is a mere 3 day affair. then there's storyline - it isnt getting messy and stressful yet. then there is, yalayala, classtee. i really hope it turns out well. so far mr loo, mr chan, ms lee are all super 'on'. i was fretting over how i sounded stupid on the email. (okay, maybe i did. but they WANT the shirt..(:)

then there's that internship. My clearest goal is to assess the work situation and squeeze out 3 days leave permission out of my employer for orientation dry run. now. this is called 'beginning with the end in mind'. im learning.

then, that's not the end. i ate yoghurt and watched news just now. after that, i read up on nostradamus and i've established my strong-personal-unshakeable stand on it. and yesterday i went for lunch with rng sruthi and chloe and i ate red rubies. i'm running out of books to read after 2 days again. okay. this isnt That bad i guess. then tmr night sis at camp, parents out. i'll be in full company with myself.

and now. before i forget. i need to hurry off to bed and DREAM. plsplsplspls. oknight.

dreaming on

2006-11-03T17:18:00.000+08:00

i had a long and relatively logical, comprehensive dream with a relatively smooth-sailing plot yesterday night. but already, i can't remember part II. part I was well, i dont want to think much about it. but, because school's out for 2 months, i dont mind...okay. i dont know.

but it was frightfully ReAl. okay, i must wakeup, get real. (but it's really super hard. if you know what it's about, you're going to be just as lousy...aiyoh. girls, help. seriously, i think most boys are leading me down the wrong path with their advice. aiyah. i dont know.)

my mum used to tell me when i was young (and still dreaming nightly) that if i ever get nightmares, all i have to do is to say 'em out to somebody, and that dream would never come true. but yesterday's dream falls into no net-nightmare/net-gddream category... and i doubt it would ever come truuue...(a kmli emoicon)

i will try to sleep early - and pick up my dream from wherever i remember. is life is stage? are men and women just actors and actressess? please dont let it be just like that.

tea is my favourite beverage. iced or hot. thanks mum and dad for the t-tastebuds. im eating a thick book a day, and munching on tvee and dvdees. a nutritious start.

hmmm . . .

2006-11-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

hm. i think im coming to a 'something' about myself.
i think i am a really troublesome person. and hey, that's not a strictly bad/good thing.

but im just thinking...say, maybe from my parents' perspective. as a daughter, i probably havnt gotten into anything majorly bad. done nothing attention-arresting...but i reckon im really quite a bundle of trouble. basically, having a daughter like me is...ooh. how do i start thinking about this.

sometimes, when im with friends, i unconsciously do/say not-so-nice things and it's during those times i really want to kick myself for being such a lousy friend. the things i say, the things i do. whether i meant it or not. aiyoh...

but then, maybe it's not that bad a thing, cos if you get used to my troublesomity, you'll know how to deal with me, then life could potentially get more interesting or less stormy or less offensive or more predictable... i dont know. then again, how can i demand of people's getting used to? but then...yadayadayada. troublesome.

lowlights

2006-11-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

i know i like them when i think abt the short graduation letters i want to scrawl for them, the things i want to remember and pen down, the right words i want to use to freeze-up the memories, like sliding my fingers across that zip-lock for that final time because i know what im keeping, and i like what im keeping. just when everything seemed as if nothing could get any better, i had to head towards the (bottomest of the bottom values of the y-axis) in a -x^2 parabola -- way above speed limit. i think and think and think abt what happened before after and in the future. i dont know why. i think some people would know what i know they know im talking abt now. im confused ~

(edit) sad things are better kept compact. short.

spelling 'anguish'

2006-10-30T17:26:00.000+08:00

parent-daughter conferences.
20dollars disappearing.
im very tired.

hari raya puasa movie.

2006-10-24T12:35:00.000+08:00

i miss all the drills. don't remember any conditioning though...
rehearsing on the springy tracks, the next best thing to set your feet on after shiny, wooden dance floors.
ooh. the sun.
the license to scream/shrill/cheer/get attention/kickass.

as much as we are able to.

Eyecandies.

2006-10-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

[1] More Brit Wit

"blessed is the man who, having ntohing to say, absstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact." - George Eliot

"9/10 if people were created so you would want to be with the other 1/10" - Horace Walpole, writer, 1717-1797

[2] Be understood or be overlooked > graham andrewartha

usually such books do not help at all, but if there's a need, this book just earned itself a chance.

[3] A Monk Swimming > Frank McCourt

McCourt also wrote Angela's Ashes, a beautiful bk set in Ireland. "one of the funniest books i have ever read. everyone should rush to buy it" - Irish News.

[4] Blink

i'm setting out to disagree with the book.

[5] "Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you", Word Play for Word Lovers > dr. mardy grothe

jumbling up words in different orders to make it sound witty can be annoying, im ready.

[6] (that book on my shelf) > Edward de Bono

thinking abt thinking...i hope to finish it.

[7] (massage book) > Kundan & narendra mehta

diy style.

[8] the new issue of The Economist.

salty splendid sentosa-ed saturday.

2006-10-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

i woke up late today! reached sentosa shuttle interchange only at 1120 (instead of 10+) which was very bad, but the guys have been waiting for people (not me specifically, phew) since 10 anyway. im really bad at queue-cutting, even if i have a 'good reason/right' to. thank goodness im quite gutless at such things, or i'll have long become some kind of social hazard.

swam in the sea. i know sea water is suppose to be salty, but today, it was reallyreally salty. ew. andrearuthandme had this idea to exfoliate our skin with the sand. ohya, forgot to mention that sentosa was filled with indianworkers who prolly had a day off cos of deepavali. actually, i like it that they went to sentosa. hello? compared to stoning/stalling up traffic along orchard road doing uh, nothing, they can contribute with that 3bucks worth of entry fee for sentosa! all right, use that bit of your disposable income. Don't buy alcohol, cigarettes, visit brothels, ok?

edited that photo cos- no choice, i left early for church worship rehearsal. well, at least it's a noble reason! (though i was late again!) then, worship prac ended late(!) and i rushed down to suntec city to meet my sis, to grab a bite, then brisk-walk to esplanade to catch a show by my choreographer. we missed the first item = her only piece.

after watching the last piece, which was basically one portraying asian women, it was the lure of doing laoshi's choreography for syf again. that sense of asianness, simplicity that you dont get after watching say, swan lake, nutcracker etc. Sure, it's based on many stereotypes e.g. how the dance started with a dancer tottering across the stage on tip toes - clearly a portrayal of the feet binding kind-of-idea...Nevertheless, it creates a kind of indescribable-close-to-heart-feelin' that i know slips through my fingers once in a while, living in 'busy, modern' singapore, If and Only If, you slow down to focus, and detect.

what i need now is to be stronger and wiser to make this final decision. and then, if im backing out for next year's syf - make it quick and painless (as much as possibly can.) sigh. how pathetic.

still, that's what feels right.

2006-10-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

the naidurangers <3

superwooper- sunday

2006-10-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

Aside from the heavy-hearted atmosphere that has plagued the church, today was a good day. the Li family went to suntec city - our latest sunday hangout (after we exhausted all the eateries at junction8 after 3 sundays). we conquered marina sq. briefly last week.

daddy says my greatest achievement today was prolly getting a replacement superman t-shirt from the stores. it started off like that in the morning before we evacuated home in a hurry (quite as usual).

dad: hey, why are you not wearing your superman shirt...
me: DON'T talk about that. dont mention the shirt...
mum: oh...hoho.
me: the superman logo has come off after one wash. mummy. you shouldnt have used the machine on it for the first wash...
mum: hey. i considered the shirt quality and turned it inside out already.
dad: go ask for a replacement! why do you think it's your fault?
me: im sure they will give a replacement.
dad: they might even give you a free shirt for compensation.
me: (mutters) no...
dad: i'll help you ask.

but in the end, i stepped up to the fierce looking man (with my daddy behind me - literally and figuratively) and told him about the lousy good myself. Cause i figured i rather risk having no replacement than have my dad grill the guy and tear down the 'superheroes' shop. heh. [though i had an evil plot that if the guy was rude to me, i'll speak up and turn some heads in the crowded shop. who knows, all the potential-customers will evacuate the store at the bad publicity]

luckily for me and for mr. shopboss, he was smart enough to get me a replacement. If the replacement good is still horrible, i shall be very upset.

settled down for coffee, toast and icecream for tea. and we engaged in relatively intellectual talk about many things i guess? religion, church, politics, japan, brands, asics sports shoes, washing machines.

snippet: my daddy says he avoids purchasing japanese goods e.g. the washing machine.
dad: like, i rather buy samsung.
me: korean brand?
dad: yeh. i rather spend more to buy korean brand the other time
me: cos of...politics?
dad: hahaha. yeah! their whole policy/diplomacy blahblah...
me: abe's worse than koizumi?
dad: yeh (yadayadablahblahblah) anyway korean's technology is very improved now too. it's not like 10 years ago when japanese products filled the stores cos they had good technology...
me: (thinks - hm...but i want the asics shoes for saturday jogs leh. best asian brand leh.)
dad: (oh. then we talked abt abe not having kids, abt jap war heroes) - my dad was a history student who eventually did economics/finance/banking.

then, at the Awesome suggestion of my sis, we ate at newyorknewyork at citylink. (nah, she didnt bribe me for this) The food was not bad, quite cheap. but the bestest thing was the free green-apple flavoured cotton candy. got to make my own cotton candy and we just sat there heaping on sugar for dessert. the waitresses/ manager there were really friendly too. i like.

then walked around somemore, and came home at 8. my dad is making coffee and i've placed my order for a cup too. ok. coffee and jelly. uhm. later re-brush my teeth la. anything for food =

hazy dayz.

2006-10-10T20:55:00.000+08:00

Ig Nobel Winners '06

Acoustics
Lynn Halpern, Randolph Blake, James Hillenbrand for experiments to learn why people dislike the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.

Biology
Bart Knols, Ruurd de Jong for showing female malaria mosquitoes are attracted equally to the smell of Limburger heese and smell of human feet.

Chemistry
Antonio Mulet, Jose Javier Benedito, Jose Bon, Carmen Rossello, for their study on cheese and temperature.

Literature
Daniel Oppenheimer for his report 'Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilised Irrespective of Necessity' - Problems with Using Long Words Needlessly.

Mathematics
Nic Svenson, Piers Barnes, for calculating number of photographs needed to ensure that nobody in a group photo will have their eyes closed.

Medicine
Francis Fesmire ++ for report "Termination of Intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage".

Nutrition
Wasmia al-Houty and Faten al-Mussalam, for showing that dung beetles have preferences.

Ornithology
late Philip May, Ivan Schwab for explaining why woodpeckers do not get headaches.

Peace
Howard Stapleton, inventing a teenager repellent.

Physics
Basile Audoly, Sebastien Neukirch, for finding out why spaghetti often breaks into more than two pieces when bent.

"interesting day" though more people know about 'it' now. stayed back after befrienders' dance to help out house directorate, watched basketball and went home with kelvin and songjie. school was as boring as yesterday. walking out from school, the air was so bad till i got home and realised the air here was so cooling and yadayada.
(1) it was like two different worlds
(2) the people in indonesia must be having it bad ):

a mosaic of yummy things

2006-10-09T21:35:00.001+08:00

that was my post-promos present from my sis. it's so dreadful and scary to get back results. for me la. was very fun doing befrienders' dance today although (whisperwhispermumblegiggle), yea.
music menu for the past two days and counting:
(1) jose feliciano of puerto rico. go read his amazing story.
(2)"the animals", a 60s english rock and roll band.

parents went to party at laguna on saturday, so in my boredom, i dug out some memories-in-solid-state.
i. the first fat doll was given to me at the airport when i embarked on my longlonglong holiday to Singapore. remember i was throwing a tantrum about not liking the doll 'at all' as an excuse when i sensed that i was beginning to feel i missed hk, and something did not seem right in the atmosphere on my departure. mr bean's teddy being extra. heh.

2. arale feels super nice and despite her horribly small size, she feels really real. hair/limbs. the other two members are residents of my bed. a red-and-black tarantula and a hissing snake to hiss away my mother when she wakes me up in the morning. the tarantula perches on my bed.

3. my mum made all those little stuffed animals before i came into existence. evidently, i robbed her of her time. the pink handbag contains womany things for playing 'pretend'. the wooden parts inside of the plastic container are dinosaur bones - that i never finished assembling. it's suppose to be a t-rex.

belated happy childrens' day to uganda.

2006-10-03T01:40:00.000+08:00

painful.

2006-10-02T13:12:00.000+08:00

promos ended on a most disgusting note with me misreading/not reading instructions, doing two essays instead of one, and forfeiting the behind-sections before the essay questions. i havnt missed out on instructions or misintepretated questions since forever, even back then in primary sch. this stupid thing is suppose to be the least of my concern. but now it has happened and it's hard to smile it's hard to cry. it hurts and i dont intend to pretend to be happy. i always end up having myself to blame. boring.

an idiot's guide to a secret fool-proof remedy - for idiots.

2006-09-30T02:00:00.000+08:00

nothing's better than chilled braised duck dipped in distilled white vinegar at 1.30am.

music menu for the day - carole king, janis ian, alicia keys, the monkees (cool.) and of course, the daily ritualistic dose of Eagles, track number three.

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

2006-09-28T13:26:00.000+08:00

"...always been an optimistic and positive person. I don't know how or why this came about, but it's always been something I wanted to pass onto my kids. And if not the spirit, then at least the skill..."

- karen

Is optimism a spirit or a skill. Discuss.

in america - wangting's right.

2006-09-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

but still, i like.

breakfast = food + the many unpacked issues of newsweek

2006-09-23T12:12:00.000+08:00

the past three issues of newsweek are so delightful, terribly superb to read. there are still many issues i dont comprehend. gotta ask mum/dad to go thru all those issues with me. the commentaries/analysis are very gd essays every gp teacher would covet. well. megaobesed-hope.

The traffic warden's giving me a ticket for stalling up time.

2006-09-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

some people want it all, know it all.

they wait for that green light all their life.
so afraid to see the glowing ambers.
really tensed up for the iminent halting reds.

sometimes i shudder at being given the green light
that's when i realise i dont exactly
know where to go.

because i havnt had the time to iron out my road map.
and i havnt memorised all the state symbols, like my teacher told me to.

as i reflect on what's coming to pass as another yesteryear.

2006-09-21T10:19:00.000+08:00

so it's next year.

my bone growth scan using that radioactive isotope from the dept of nuclear medicine has prophesized that im still going to grow, and bone growth activity is intense. so there is still Hope and i'm going to grow taller still! (note to self: be very careful what you chat to God about)

i think growing even taller would be pretty cool. as of today, i'm 1.66 cm and...55.5..fine! 56 kg. can la. no where near obesity yet.

But. now that the op is pushed back till after a's...

suddenly, i feel tired and disappointed that my plans are foiled, and my plans to foil plans are foiled. and i knew it was coming.if i not be 'me' for a while and watch kmli, i wouldn't recommend her for the operation either, somehow.

perhaps, till next year, when i look back at this exciting episode, i will smile, shrug or laughingly roll my eyes at myself, for being so sillyly amazing - convincing surgeons and doctors from the combined clinics, conversing and negotiating with them till they commented and conceded...Long Story. no matter what, i'll never regret for the adultfriends made, the thoughts that stirred up in me on my visits.

of course, i was a little impatient, trying to think my way through things, to have surgeons and op theatres fall into MY schedule, and i hate to say i was quite impressive at that.

if mine's a good plan, God has an even better plan i have to say. and though i absolutely do not see how the-next-year-plan is going to be any better than mine, i'll have to give Him every benefit-of-the-doubt. if im asked to defend my plan, i think i will still be a pain and rattle off my case. but i trust God has looked through my general-project-proposal and he has made certain ammendments.

And as bits and pieces of his plan comes to light, I'll be eagerly waiting His nudge, saying 'See, I told you so.'

it's like being pulled back while you are about to jaywalk. you are darn sure there are NO cars in sight. you stubbornly try to fling off that hand that grabs you, before some mega-vehicle whizzes past you- shutting you up.

Li Kun Man, you'll need to learn to submit, biting your lip. cheer up!

dinnertime

2006-09-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

yay. my sis took a day off school cos of piano exams and impending jap orals.
was telling her over dumplings that i think german sounds better than french.
she was telling me about...

Friends: I think French is very cool.
Girl: ohya, i think french very cool also.
Friends: Eh, do you want a French name?
Girl: Ya! ok!
Friends: Oh, we know, what about Lingerie Goh?
Girl: ok! yay! so cool.

and she responded to that name for a while till she realised what it meant.
haha! tragically adorable.

childhood, sistahood.

2006-09-20T14:03:00.000+08:00

went to school to hand in my photocopied documents to the finance office, and rushed off to toa payoh christofori cos my sis taking piano exam. BUT - it turned out she was so terribly late. her piano was really loud, and cos she was the only one taking her exam at that slot, i could hear her from outside. she's been staying up past 230am for her rs report, and she has her endofyears all sandwiched together with everything else. we will all love growing up, dont worry :)

#1 - old ladies (prolly diabetic) gave me free coke at burger king - so sweet of 'em.
#2 - my sister said i used to tell her that you should never push the walls of an underground tunnel, esp. the mrt ones, because if you ever do, waters will flood in. well, yea, i admit i lied, but it was an application , cos when i was a little girl, my dad told me about the railway systems in the world that were built 'under the sea' to combat land shortage and long travelling times. so, i gave singapore the benefit of the doubt, forgetting we only have resevoirs =
#3 - i use to scare my sister by telling her very-matter-of-factly that those small trapdoors in train stations were the grave of mother theresa. when she asked how that was possible since the trapdoors were so small, i told her that mother theresa was a small woman, so she could fit in. WELL. this was inspired by discovery channel's egyptian grave explorers and mother theresa's death.

#4 - remember andrea has a song for her ex-sc teacher "do your....hang low...". my sis's class has a very bad, more subtle way of teasing a fat teacher. whenever he walks past, they will jump/jerk - to create the heavy-giant-stomping-by illusion! so fun!

Parents out for dinner.

2006-09-16T19:24:00.000+08:00

My sister came home with a surprise present for me. Gerber's baby food, peach flavour.
Wow! (pukes.) k la, thanks. You thought it was nice anyway, right? It's the thought that counts. Let's ponder over how we can finish 'it', that is stored in the fridge right now. ohyea.

So, i came up with an advertisement for Gerber. Click on the image to enlarge and see.

Cost Benefit Analysis
Best-comes-to-best -- Gerber will hail me as a most distinguished customer and I will be awarded with two-years supply of baby food. And you can bet that I will share the 'joy' with you.

'Worse'-comes-to-WorsT -- RJC bio department, The Economist, National Geographic And Gerber will take me to court, for making them star in my advertisement.

Shrugs, till then- with compliments from me.

<3

2006-09-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

dearest ernest, kelvin, sherman and thomas, compared to you, i probably ain't know a thing, or 1/2 a thing, or 1/4 a thing, so the geometric progression continues. it would be so good to see you guys joyful again, but i dont think anyone can pretend some things did not happen. so do make space for yourself to recover. moving on will not have to constitute forgetting, but rather, it is remembering, with the right mindset i guess.

i dont think i've got a wide enough shoulder for a guy to bawl on, but you must know the lovelies stand behind you, and you will stay strong. we love yous, really. we'll see each other through, and the love of the lovelies will haul you out of the deep blue sea of sorrow.

was just wandering through my thoughts about unpredictability, just as i have been about my future (heh, what future..) for the past few days. Well. I dont know about tomorrow, you mean you do? - who does, but He -

I don't know 
About tomorrow 
I just live from day to day 
And I don't borrow from its sunshine 
For its skies may turn to gray 
And I shouldn't worry about my future 
For I know what Jesus said 
And today He walks beside me 
For He knows what lies ahead 

Many things about tomorrow 
I don't seem to understand 
But I know who holds tomorrow 
And I know who holds, who holds my hand

the squid-octopus dilemma

2006-09-09T21:45:00.001+08:00

Octopuses eat bottom-dwelling crustaceans. Squids eat fishes and shrimps.

pardon my parent-child conversation posts, but this is what it means to be grounded.
had squid for dinner, and as i was dabbling it in wasabi <3 style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">"hey, you adults use to tell me squids are octopuses. (e.g. 'hey, come, eat this giant octopus' or 'you got to try to chew up this Big octopus...' - prolly to instill a sense of excitment about a dinner dish). And there was a point of time when i got really confused, seriously, i was battling that thought of how when they sell 'octopuses' they have to sell it in great amounts because they are so huge. so the market would have sudden influxes of 'em. OR do they chop of single tentacles, breed the octopus and wait for the tentacle to re-grow, since lizards grow tails etc. OR why are the octopuses i see in disney films - e.g. littlemermaid's ursula has such huge tentacles, so why are those on the dinner tablel so thin..."

"but they're in the same..er..family, they look alike, so we werent really that wrong, right?"

darn. they dont regret lying, do they?

anyway, heard of squidjuice-soup?
a pot of ink, might be a cure for writer's block.
served with two chunks of cream at the top...
not appetising at all seriously.
squid-ink soup...hm...

a feat only S'pore can manage to pull-off.

2006-09-09T16:25:00.000+08:00

lunch: indian, chinese, local takeaways and gm grapes.

cna has these imf/worldbank adverts after each news segment, in view of the impending imf conference at suntec. daddy was saying the conference is next week, and no overseas groups have made suggestions/applications to protest. it's always been history that local/overseas groups protest at these conferences about worldtrade, globalisation... so daddy asked me if it's 'good'.

bleah. always cringe when oldermen ask questions with an educational motive, but in a politician/ seasoned-executive kind of way. i mean, they might not be conscious of it, but it's super top-down and well, arrogant. but (i) it's my dad, so i'll allow him and (ii) i have a feeling we'll all grow up to be like that, but i pray i will strike a good balance. really.

so daddy-o was asking if it's 'good'.
me: uh...no?
dad: why.
me: uh...i dunno?!?
dad: is it good? what would you say when you've to write an article for gp.
thinks: [hohoho dad, you dont know the new gp do you? uh..write?]
me: what do You think? is that good?
dad: aha, im asking you!
me: yea. i said i dont know. im asking you now. why dont they want to come and protest?
dad: yeah! that's the essential question.
me: there's no use protesting...?
dad: no. it's not whether there's a use.
me: as in it's too troublesome...it's...you mean really nobody wants to come?
dad: yea. i mean, nobody has made the 'application' to protest.
me: okay. so why. do you have an answer yourself, dad. thinks: you better.

ok. to cut the long story short. supposedly, it goes to show how the talk/proclaimation about freedom of speech has fallen to doubtful ears. (i) from what the world/potential protestors see, singapore is not the place that can accomodate such stuff. (and i must say in this field of economic discussion, they have real, solid, valid points, as do world leaders with their agenda for handling globalisation and inflation) and that's sad. it's quite a sign for failure, is it not? i feel a society should not just be measured by how clean the streets are, how green the nation is, how every branch and stalk is trimmed etc. somethings speak volumes, of successes - in security and order, and of even greater 'socalledfailures'. when can we hit the spot for vibrancy...in regulated-freedom?

well, suntec is safe now. not only suntec is cordoned off, that whole area is. business has dropped 30% and employees have 1.5 hours allowance for being late because of security checks. oh, relax fellow-singaporeans, the IR will come to save us, with increased employment opportunities and generation of revenue. just wait. a little while more.

this reminds me of the rp3 event, going to ntuc's 45th anniversary talk by lee kuan yew. when he first went onto the podium, before he warmed up to talk, he looked really sick and frail. for a moment, i was very afraid mm would die very soon. happy birthday.

destress helplines 1800s

2006-09-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

Helpline Extension 1
Helpline Extension 2
Helpline Extension 3

the pw power. yea. projectwork's about smoking.

bumper sticker

2006-09-09T15:29:00.000+08:00

Give me ambiguity - or give me something else

i did the macarena with my cell phone because the voices told me to do so.

2006-09-07T21:51:00.000+08:00

Pick the month you were born:
January----- I kicked
February----- I loved
March----- I smoked
April----- I dry humped
May----- I choked on
June----- I murdered
July----- I did the Macarena with
August----- I had lunch with
September----- I danced with
October----- I sang to
November----- I yelled at
December----- I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1------- a birdbath
2------- a monster
3------- a phone
4------- a fork
5------- a Mexican
6------- a gangster
7------- my cell phone
8------- my dog
9------- my best friends boyfriend
10------ my neighbor
11------- my science teacher
12------- a banana
13------- a fireman
14------- a stuffed animal
15------- a goat
16------- a pickle
17------- your mom
18------- a spoon
19------- myself
20------- a baseball bat
21------- a ninja
22----- a model
23------- a noodle
24------- a squirrel
25------- a football player
26------- my sister
27------- my brother
28------- an ipod
29------ a permanent marker
30------- a llama
31------- a homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White------because I'm cool like that.
Black-------because that's how I roll.
Pink--------because I'm NOT a homosexual
Red--------because the voices told me to do so
Blue--------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green-----because I hate myself.
Purple-----because I'm cool.
Gray-------because I was drunk.
Yellow-----because someone offered me1,000,000> dollars.
Orange----because I hate my family.
Brown-----because I was high.
Other------because I'm a ninja.
None-------because I can't control myself.

[gulps] coke's gd.

demise of steve irwin

2006-09-04T18:26:00.000+08:00

Crocodile hunter..

no more.

and agassi's leaving too. i bet he sure cry one. =(

project-love-mum&dad-more

2006-09-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

me: hey, those classic, plain wall clocks are nice.
dad: oh. i saw one at ikea the other day.
me: i only want those classroom-clocks, you know?
dad: yea, i'll go look around.
me: actually. im fine using my watch and hp. im just saying they look good.
dad: (shows me catalogue) this kind?
me: uh, well, yea...this one looks a bit exam-ly and 'rude'. not that classy.
dad: what about this?
me: its okay. i dont know.

daddy-o's "hey presto" - poof! : clock.

dad: you want a mini clip fan for your upstairs bed?
me: oh, i dont mind. but im more-than-okay currently.
dad: i can get you one...blahblahjargon...
me: actually. dont think i need it.

daddy-o's "hey presto" - poof! : miniclipfan.

dad: how abt a night lamp for your upstairs bed so you can read at night.
me: hey those are cool.
dad: yea. it would be good to have one
me: Wait daddy. there's no way i'll read in bed without falling asleep after a minute.

daddy-o's "hey presto" - poof! : reading-lamp.

and mum has been nice also. with the rainbowrangeofcolors muji notebooks...=this does not rock. this stinks to the core. they meet their 'deadlines' within 24hrs everysingletime, and i fail to do the exact thing every single time. and my dad is trying as best as possible to watch me with owl?eagle? eyes as promos creep near. if i dont do well/better/ohwell..i dunno... then i will have no proper substantiation for any argument for any activity during holidays. and i mean any=every. and basically - i not only have to lose my case against dad the prosecutor, i have to Surrender! to every charge brought against me.

argh. it's all these little things, and it's rather touching. it would be easy to slip into a project-love-mumanddadd-more phase but...im being cautious. and silly.
now. if you could spare me the love that's transcribed and translated from raw expectations.

Don't smoke ok.

2006-09-03T18:19:00.000+08:00

Anyway, thinking abt pw...sharapova and federer (coolnametotype - 2fingersonly!) have got something to say to you little boys and girls out there.

Smoking is not cool.

august summary

2006-08-31T15:12:00.000+08:00

1. sec2 sis crashed rj. in full attire. we tried mugging in the canteen. but as expected, we ended up talking until mouth cram. tsk.
2. we stayed till it was veryvery dark, went up to parade sq and did cartwheels. whee.
3. ms chua my math teacher acted in the teachers' skit. she looks like a student so we took a photo. introducing chua zhi min, my new schoolmate.
4. with mitchell - the superman (who was even-more-stranded-than-me in the rain this morning). cannot see the 'S' on the cape im wearing :5. august photos

august seems to have been too fun - when i should be drowning in lecture notes, mugging.
darn. why is my life more interesting than yours.
i really dont mind having no life for grades.
but it never happens.

if only there were two of me.

2006-08-30T23:07:00.001+08:00

"Yutaki today was FUN! And very tiring but gosh I love him like majorly la I look forward to his sessions so much. (and I'm lucky because the only lesson I skipped was pure popping and locking so haha no big loss!) We have half the open house dance done already I think! (: It's damn fun la. Super tiring to do though I was sweating in the studio and it's like, air-conditioned." - sien.

darn. missed dance again. THREE times missing yutaki's lesson. wahlao.
yeayea. of course bensen and mitchell were entertaining. (btw. i like suaning bensen. shiok.) but what can be compared to sweating even in aircon.
if there's one thing im sour abt. it's This. now i can just look retarded trying to get the style behind the alreadycomplicated moves. this is now an open invitation to the whole world. come forth to open house and just see me die.

well but on the other hand, im doing emceeing with zhangrui at amphi.
ok. just pray there is no net loss.

goodnight

2006-08-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

tonight is a good night.
goodnight,
i.love.you.

serenade me

2006-08-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

You wait, little girl, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life little girl is an empty page
That men will want to write on

Do a 360 degrees turn and Albert Hammond sings...

....but i gave it up for music, and the free electric band... (:

i love storylinedsongs.

i've been thinking about life. i mean, though they are not covering that for promos.

anyways. on monday, i nearly stepped into the gents at j8 - the one outside din tai fung. i really thought it was another side of the ladies. i froze at the door when i saw a man and after nerve impulses travelled to my brain, i just ran all the way without turning back, to the mrtstation.

sorry indian-uncle-at-the-urinal...i didnt see anything. dont worry. but i remember you wear wearing black and jeans and you have no moustasche. darn. please forget me.

daymare

2006-08-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

sista: "by the way, i dreamt that you were going to die last night, quite sad la, (me: smile, shrug, of course right?). you had cancer or something, and you were going to die. i was quite sad that you were going to die and i was crying a bit, but then i realised when you die, i will get all your clothes and jeans and etc. (me: what?!) so i wasnt that sad anymore (me: thanks man) . actually, you were suppose to just go to sleep and die. so i allowed you to sleep on my bed. but somehow, you just dragged on and you didnt die! then when mum came in to wake me up, i wanted to tell her, dont wake sis up, she's dead. (me: haha. i woke up earlier than you)

note to self

2006-08-26T17:34:00.001+08:00

[1] settle dr. pepper tonight.

[2] my cousin is growing up.
his email username is now "rugbyhotfpl".
ooh. alrighto francis paul!

CMM.

2006-08-21T19:30:00.000+08:00

there is a secret.
and i can only code it like this.

"SEE, M and M's"
: )
fat hope you can guess it,
fatter hope one of it actually happens, for real.

jodi picoult

2006-08-20T15:13:00.000+08:00

ok. i've finished reading jodi picoult's book - my sister's keeper.
now i can move on with life. and yea, darn. i cried at the end.
i thought the book was over, so i was caught unaware.
btw, it's very cruel of her to catch me by surprise with that horrible twist.
but im not complaining. tell me the ending to gattaca and i can move on faster with life.

i cooked my own noodles for lunch and ... uh, it was horrible.
in fact, it lies unfinished, in front of me, since 2.30.
an anomaly.

at least one has fallen then?

2006-08-19T19:26:00.000+08:00

to think we agreed on something together on Friday.
now if this is happening, someone has evidently taken advantage of an err,
to flaunt and dangle and tempt, for that sense of entitlement and superiority?
shame on you.

i say again. shame, to us.

retrieved archived file, 1608, 2006.

2006-08-16T19:53:00.000+08:00

[1] Morning Audio file.

track a. catfight - the wailing sounds that they make...ew. i wanted to stand and watch, to pout at how helpless the smaller cat is, being bullied by the bigger cat. Then, because im just watching, i realise that 'eh, actually, im the bigger helpless.' glancing at my watch, i move on. "natural selection." i shrug and i walk, i mean, i march quickly on, craning my neck for any sign of 'the bus'/ 'my bus' that might be 'there'.

track c. radio - i walk past the security guard on night duty. sure enough, he's guarding the night. the night of his dreams. snoring to john denver's "country roads", right on time for every beat. it must have taken a lot of concentration. who says money comes easy, right?

track d. chirping - sorry. i cannot resist. here's a callout to mingsing - the rising call of a bird. ok. the bird were chirping like it was the end-of-promos at birdschool. as i was walking along marymount terrace, they were soaring towards rjc. woah. the enthusiasm of getting to school! alright. i walk faster. "thanks for the encouragement, birds".

track d. anthem - i thought it was going to play on. the anthem tracks nowadays give you no hint. can't they have a unique 'ting' of a triangle, or a cool 'snap of the finger' at the final bridge before the anthem ends? that way, the national flag will know when to reach the top of the metal pole. "where it can go higher no more."

where's b. better leave it out. AHA. there it is. at the 'better' place. shrugs.

[2] Night Prose - going...uh...coming home. wait, that doesnt sound right. it should be "returning" home. yes.

some nights i scare myself with the way i cross the roads. it's like a freak version of john denver's 'country roads, take me home...to the place, i belong..'. it sounds so 'man-and-earth-harmonious-relationship' yeah? the urban roads take me home too. it's like walking on just because your legs have got to keep moving. like some mechanism. you can't start a nucleophilic substituition and try to halt it halfway. it's some instint thing. the nucleophile wont turn back. the traffic lights mean nothing to me cause all i see is glowing, warm shades of amber, red and green. i dont know whether the red and amber lights are for me or for the cars. i think i should follow the green light that cars usually follow, since there are no cars anyway. only the bright white headlights stop me. when i see them, i do the safest thing possible at that moment - walking the opposite way - and somehow, i end up home, along That familiar path. the headlights really do point me home. i wonder what im doing and why i never stop at a junction. inside of me, i wonder 'what-if' but i move on. it's only 'if', 'only if'.

haha. bleah. im hooked on jodi picoult's my sister's keeper. that (above) is the kind of lingo and imagery it contains. manymany hidden meanings and ok. that was an imitation good. am i trying too hard?

smoothie.

2006-08-12T00:51:00.000+08:00

i dont know about you, but my day passed by veryverysmoothlyandsleekly today. because (i) i did my hw so there was 'minimal' madrushing, and (ii) stuff in sch today were easypeasy and (iii) i started the day, went through the day, and finished the day with minimal emotions.

minimal emotions means you just 'function'. There's no need for facial expressions or extra-curricular thoughts. This is also what i sometimes term the 'auto-pilot-mode' or 'energy-saving-mode'. Very Reliable. How do you know you are mastering the art of auto-piloting? It is when you only slept 4 hours in the morning, and yet, you dont feel tired. Because, you dont think about it. (remember, no extra-curricular thoughts)

The WHOLE day, i was feeling extremely bored and restless. I just wanted to do more and more work. Amazing right? although it was a little confusing at first, because i was so bored at bodyjam, but yet, in my heart, i hoped laila wouldnt stop the routines. i rather just sweat in bliss.

met dad and sis for lunch after nationaldaycelebrations. dad was trying to ignore my sis, who was cameraring everything. That's the ritualistic vinegar pool- dip for food e.g. xiaolongbao. p.s. the camera is now spoilt and under repair. canon singapore private limited had better not charge me for servicing!
woohoo. sleeping beauties...
okay. i better sleep early or i'll break my bones during dance tmr.
actually, it sounds like a not-bad idea. i mean, i've never been in a cast or on a wheelchair before...just as i've never been stuck in a sch lift in sch...or encountered an escaped jaguar/leopard..
urgh. the pain of memorizing routines...
i mean, im experiencing inelastic demand for brain space in preparation for the promos...=\

just let me say...

2006-08-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

the just-let-me-say series #2 -

"i hope we all desire to grow up, gracefully. "

i dont know if this is the right advice for me to make. but sometimes, having your hand round things that are not yours to own, or things that do not deserve your worrying, is like having your hands round your own neck. Only having the grip to tighten. desire to grab and seize at the right things. and that alone demands so much wisdom, discernment and courage, you know?

sick

2006-08-06T15:56:00.000+08:00

running nose. cough. i like sneezing. and eating chocolates.
pleaseplease let me get well soon.
im 'blowing' down many trees.

just let me say...

2006-07-31T23:03:00.000+08:00

the just-let-me-say series #1 -

"im very tired. "

still up and working

2006-07-30T01:35:00.000+08:00

happened to pass by the tv and saw the news clip on the cip project at the one room flats in marsiling. the bad housing conditions, that look on the faces of the lower income groups, that sparkle in the eyes of the children just because they get computer lessons at the void decks? why do the lower income groups look so different? i mean, perhaps it's understandable in the way they carry themselves but we all started from infants right? why can't everyone look the same? i mean, the world is never fair but i dont want anyone to tease them. i dont want them to be scorned upon. but who's standard is the right standard anyway? to begin with, standards are but standards. so no standard has been right given the premise that the world isnt fair, right?

it warms my heart and pains me to see that sparkle in the eyes of lesspriviledged children. so glad that they get their share of childhood happiness, yet, frustration or something i dont know what - i cant figure out yet. hello? i had art lessons, dance lessons, swim lessons, storytelling (!?!), drama, arithmetic, chinese classes [although after all those lessons, im still like-that-only la, but that's not the point. haha], and here, the kids are clad in faded clothes, jumping with glee cos they are having lessons on old coms?

here's when i feel my 24hr fever was nothing.

the world isnt fair. and everyone's a victim (and benefactor from that). yet, when i harden my heart and think pragmatically, why do i think that the world need not and should not be fair.

P.S.

2006-07-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

it's been a time-out for me with the fever.
im letting go of many things, and that includes hw unfortunately.
i remember thinking as i lay stuck in bed in the earlyearly morning about pw.
i was thinking how it would be much nicer if i got a one-day shingles like yirui did.
i mean, weekends are how-precious for me to work even harder to catch up on everything, on life on work on rest on fun on dance on uh, life. (i think i have a life)
thanks for all the concern and patience, and chloe and kristel for stepping in for me for the proposal and preparation!

fever!

2006-07-29T20:54:00.000+08:00

i remember the relief i felt yesterday, after school and h3chem ended. so relieved though i know it's temporal. happily changed into my blazer for interact ushering. can't remember when, but at some point of time, i thought i was just going to tip over. and as i was standing there with matthew and heqi, i remember telling myself/whispering to God for that matter, that thankgoodness i wasnt standing there alone because i was beginning to feel nauseous and giddy.

i really wanted to float home right away but i was scared to leave alone cos i was scaring myself by feeling sovery terrible and sick. so i went to the lt and tried to 'feel better' and rest. finally, i couldnt take it and i just charged home. i really felt so terrible i was going to cry. everything just felt wrong but i couldn't explain which part of me wasnt feeling well. collapsed in bed ~i still persevered and showered before sleeping~ at 8 and the fever started.

I love my mummy cos she woke up every hour to check on me to take my temperature and get me water. it was a horror to see so many smses at around 1am. i had zero energy to reply. at the 3am wakeupslot, i managed to reply some of the smses before collapsing again.zzz. the fever just didnt go down and i felt sick and pissed cos there was no way i could carry thru with today's events. i was suppose to have college day dance perf, church movie marathon and ASEAN dance night! to think i was fretting over managing my time for saturday just a few days ago but now, i'm reduced to being bedridden!

stayed in the whole of today and the fever peaked in the morning. i could barely manage >20 mins of sleep each time because i)i was aching all over ii)my brain was so fried i couldnt control my thoughts iii)i couldnt concentrate on sleeping cos everything and nothing was competing for my attention. seriously, i was dreaming about 'systems' the whole night. i can't remember what it was about, but it was something VERY procedural, running on a very tight schedule and i really hated the whole procedure and feeling and i remember working at a very fast pace to finish the machine-like-task but more and more came and with each step of the mechanism, i was working my gutjuices out. very mentally emotionally physically draining.

used to have a feverdream that is suppose to be a 3D railway track building thing taking place below a dollhousecafe. at the end of the dream, a train would be charging down the half completed railway and the noise would crescendo and i'll wake up with a shock. this new feverdream is much more dreary cos you can't pull yourself out of it. i managed to escape only when my mum woke me up and i felt so horriblyterrible i ended up sobbing. [Loser]

ok. back to council proposal for monday. im glad im feeling better. i can't remember having a 24hr fever for as long as i can remember. stupid way to end off, but in premature-celebration ~

"Fever" - michael buble

Never know how much I love you, never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the the morning, fever all through the night.
Sun lights up the daytime, moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name, and you know I'm gonna treat you right
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the the morning, fever all through the night.

Everybody's got the fever, that is something you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing, fever started long ago.
Romeo loved Juliet, Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her, he said "Julie baby you're my flame"
Thou givest fever, when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth
Fever - I'm afire, fever yea I burn forsooth.
Captain Smith and Pocahontas had a very mad affair
When her Daddy tried to kill him, she said "Daddy-O don't you dare"
Give me fever - with his kisses, fever when he holds me tight
Fever - I'm his Missus, Oh daddy won't you treat him right.

Now you've listened to my story, here's the point I have made:
Chicks were born to give you fever, be it Fahrenheit or Centigrade
They give you fever - when you kiss them, fever if you live and learn
Fever - till you sizzle, what a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.

photo time, save me the words and TIM

2006-07-26T21:56:00.000+08:00

she wouldnt listen to me. she was beyond the point of control.
she ate up all of ms lio's prescribed medicine for me. and she was very very happy to choose her pill color and determine her own (over) dosage.

racial harmony day 06. NO..you're not taller than me okayy, try to cheat by jumping when mummy presses down the shutter...caught you! aha.. king tut's the funniest. and we actually gained air-time during principal's address! SO3L achievement! keep it up!
i locked my sister in the wardrobe. see the happy face? it's her new habitat. adaptation! anyways, the ikea men delivered 2 new wardrobes/drawers for the room. and we said goodbye to the lovely white cupboard of >10 years.

i WAS doing my math tutorial. i WAS hunting for foolscap on my desk. AND i found my councillor badge! im really really really glad. i wont lose it again! but there are mosquitoes in the house. my legs are scarred for life with mosquito kisses.

sorry. very impatient and frustrated already.

2006-07-26T20:31:00.001+08:00

in-ef-fi-cien-cy P Pronunciation Key (n-fshn-s)
n. pl. in·ef·fi·cien·cies

some people wear this like a pendant on the chain round their necks. they tattoo it on their faces and adourn garments embroided with this.

all about me. for me.

2006-07-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

Li Kun Man, i think you really suck so much. I'm sickened to see you so rotten. cry if you need to but please stop being such a pain soon. I can't stand you and I'm starting not to like you.

something happy

2006-07-18T19:24:00.000+08:00

despite unhappy things, annoying things, frustrating things, boring things that do happen, there are some happy things to remember everyday.

(1) coming home, walking into my study, smelling 'my study'
(2) coming home, walking into my bedroom, smelling 'the bedroom'
(3) putting down my ultraman bag, sliding from the bedroom across the narrow hallway through the study on my socks, on the slippery floor.
(4) doing flag raising practice with kritarth...failed 5 times. horribly. after the final time, as i was rearranging the rope, i hooked the rope onto the hook. and nobody - me, mark or kritarth could reach it. (argh. im that pro). So, we decided we needed someone tall to untangle the mess. But no one tall was nearby. Called Lincoln and just at that moment, he popped up from uh, somewhere, and he carried kritarth to reach for the knot. (cause mark couldnt carry kritarth) it was somehow, very funny. oh, and because i was just so good at flag raising, mark sang the anthem 5 times? or more than that, cos everytime he went 'mari...' we would go 'wait, wait, start again'.

it's wed again tmr. i want everyday to be wednesday. not possible.
just like how i told julia and mel that i really hope that one day i would get some magic powers to enable myself to sleep and finish hw at the same time. it's like, once you close your eyes and give way to peaceful slumber, you know that your hw is being done simultaneously, with the same sleep efficiency quotient. not possible. i know. that's why i say i really hope.

i shall share an interesting logic abt hopes. you see, many things we hope for dont come true. so, if you want something badly, you shouldnt hope for it. pretend you dont and it might JUST come true!! warped i know, but what if there is some sense to this. don't regret mann.

fine me for speeeding. and make me brake.

2006-07-13T21:50:00.000+08:00

school till 3.30. read through some notes. 4pm estate manager meeting. missed teachers' day meeting. 4.55pm commzd. 5pm gavel. missed council camp handover since dunno when. 6 finish gavel. decided to 'escape' home. 6.45 reached home. realise i have piano in 30 mins. ate dinner and checked email. disrupted halfway for piano. didnt practice but supposedly 'better'. halfway through piano lesson, i cannot process instructions already. F# sounds like F minor, E minor sounds like D major to the ears. neighbour's little girl came to visit and i entertained her. now. what's that thing they say is quite important...ohyes. homework right?

·$12§h€rM@n [Love does not consist in gazing at each other - but in looking outward together in the same direction] says:
bet u can do well one.. juz need to take some time out to like read through the stuff again

ok. i try. but so hard leh, you know anot...

im so happy. uh, really leh.

2006-07-12T19:26:00.000+08:00

"Failures are more finely etched in our minds than triumphs, and success is an elusive, if not mythic, goal in our demanding society" (Hugh Drummond).

okay. i didn't mean to start off with a pessimistic quote, but, after i read it, i thought 'fair enough', so no harm.

grozengrape.][cold showers.] says:
frenchbraid. if u know what that is
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
technically no
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
i can wikipedia it dont worry
[grozengrape.][cold showers.] says:
haha!
=after a while=
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
A French braid, unlike a regular, three strand braid, starts with small sections of hair at the crown of a person's head, and intermittently, more hair is added to each section as the braid progresses down the head. The classic French braid is a single braid at the back of one's head, though variations on this hairstyle include side braids and twists.
[grozengrape.][cold showers.] says:
does it help?
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
cant really imagine tt but i guess tts what i meant by a "ponytail"
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
shld be u la i've seen ur posters

HM. r.i. boys...tsk. wikipedia leh! sho shmart so dont playplay.

okay. today has been quite. i dunno what. so i shall blog abt random things that carry hints of 'today'.

Ms Naidu: " Hm...you look very sad, and tired"
Me: Looks up, smilesmile. (what's there to say if it's true)
Ms Naidu: "[pause]"
Me: [thinks: uh, yea, anything else? can i rest my head on the table again?]
Ms Naidu: "...actually, ever since you became a counsellor..."

Me: ?!? sits up, ALARMED. "huh, really."
Ms Naidu: smilesmile, "yea" walks away to another group.
Me: wide awake. not tired anymore. somersaulting my brains, very puzzled.

i was very bothered by what she said, cause if it's true, i'm not realising it, and i mean, for her to say something like that, i hope it means something and i hope i figure out what that means. so i thought very hard and yea, did a 'reflection' (on the train doors, no la. kidding.)

[1] hypothesis one: i've been feeeling happy, quite happy thus far, but i've also been kept busy. so perhaps, i havnt had the energy to reflect my 'happiness'? no spare battery to bother showing you im happy. if im happy, im happy already what. what's there to be (proven).

[2] i've been telling myself that i have to look happy and cheerful to brighten other people's day. it just does not do justice to them if i choose to be sad and difficult. but somehow, i realise im finding it more and more difficult. i mean, compared to how i was always full of nonsense in rg~sec three? it's been getting harder by and by.

[3] yea. i think it's the no-energy-to-show-happiness thing. but usually, around some people, i'm always happy. but it's not fair to say i wont smile if you dont make me laugh...so...i'll figure that out some day.

[4] there are sad things happening in my life, but as of this moment, i'm still happy. this one i'm sure. i just hope i wont be feeling too happy, thereby leading to contentment and then slipping down to complacency.

[5] i'm sorry if im a pain in the ass, if i dont smile enough. cos sometimes i'm darn selfish, i bet you know. i get a kick out of ignoring people on purpose if i dont feel like responding. dont think i have an attitude problem la. im just trying to cut myself some slack and take some risks, and do a teeny weeny bit of 'i can't be bothered behavior' that i really really have no chance for. be a joyful victim. oh. but please dont ignore me. keep trying and drill to up your charisma quotient. there are some people i just can't ignore any way :). finally.

new friends FOUND.

2006-07-10T20:23:00.000+08:00

As we walk to the left as we walk to the right,
as we walk as we walk as we walk all night.
with a heel and a toe and a half turn around,
with a heel and a toe and a new friend found!

happyhappy 17th

2006-07-09T22:00:00.002+08:00

http://kmli.shutterfly.com

thanks for all the bdae wishes presents company and *ahems*

yummy money.

2006-07-07T00:56:00.000+08:00

it's been a lot of yummy birthday money so far. why? becase i'm so pathetic i havnt got time to go shop for birthday presents. frankly, having to ponder over birthday presents is really silly compared to all the other concerns i should be having right now.
turning 17 has been cool so far. but what i make of it will be what i remember of this. so wake up you silly. kunman can you buck up.
i hope, urgh, forget it. i shan't tell you what im hoping for. my own hope, my own grief to bear if i let myself down, again.

coolio snack receipe

2006-07-05T00:39:00.000+08:00

introducing a no-fat snack. i overheard my mummy telling my grandma the receipe, so, because my attention is always diverted/dispersed when there is no crisis/emergency/insurgency, i can't gurantee i caught everything right.
(1) cut guave slices. you must be patient and cut thin slices. my patient mama is very pro at this. my grandpa praised her.
(2) get mandarin orange peels dried ones.
(3) get ice water, dump (1) U (2) in. chill it in the fridge.
i dunno how long you must leave it in the fridge, but i suppose you can take it out and taste it and experiment yourself. i've always thought cooking is one mega chem experiment, that's all. (are you afraid now..heh)

there are new insights gained abt myself and i've come up with a more final version of the things im really very particular about. (waiting for 3am now. so much odd jobs to do. no time to sleep)

1. this one shld be well known - that im scared and disgusted by moss. it makes me want to just float off the ground and float away because im so terrified of moss/mould/fungi.

2. dust - annoys me. this is one thing that will never stop bothering you your whole life. it flies up, it settles. it's like playing a game of sure lose catching. but dont catch cannot also. hmrpff.

3. oral noises.
aha. this one is impt. i cannot stand people who make salivatory noises when eating. it's not just the simple slurping. i had the sloshy sounds of the food particle being swung and sloshed around the walls of your mouth. this one just quickens my heartbeat and raises my bloodpressure (i think i can feel it) and i feel like asking you to shut up and yet, i dont want to be unreasonable. i get very mad inside until the din ends.

ohwells. back to work. go deutschland.

MISSING

2006-07-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

syn·er·gy P Pronunciation Key (snr-j)
n. pl. syn·er·gies

The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.
Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.

it's quite heartbreaking. like when u diedie must draw a circle freehand, the ends just keep missing each other. they just cannot meet. and you get everything except a full complete circle.

(x - h)² + (y - k)² = r ²

glass splinters

2006-07-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

was reordering my life by packing up my study. (horrible)
next is reordering another chunk of my life - gmail.
came across this quotation i Had to take down last year while i was compiling my reports for dr mahathir and aung san suu kyi. pouring through numerous thick biographies/references in great joy, i just had to take down what the latter said.

" ...Glass splinters, the smallest with its sharp, glinting power to defend itself against hands that try to crush, could be seen as a vivid symbol of the spark of courage that is an esssential attribute of those who would free themselves from the grip of oppression..."

i think it's beautiful. beautifully written for something so loathesome.

haiyo. why soccer again.

2006-07-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

why soccer again? why am i always talking abt soccer. not like i know stuffs abt it also. maybe cos the rest of the time when im not sitting down, im just flying around running around it takes a little more effort to recall how i spent my time.

ya. so i barely slept for an hour before church cos i was, yes, here.

oh, then just now had council post investiture party. k la. quite fun. managed to shop for chinghui's two presents. a superman ball and a small rubber frisbee. hope he likes it.

i have a feeling germany will win, but i want france to win. wednesday i shall watch again, since im excused frm school for thursday! international physics olympiad, Dance performance. (chayy) i miss real dancing.

soccerdate

2006-07-01T02:18:00.000+08:00

soccerdate with daddyo since cts are beyond rescue. very happening to go down to club lounge to watch. so loud and oomphy. going tmr night again.

lehmann looks like my sec3 german teacher.

heartache

2006-06-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

[1] parents outside watching this super delicious modern ballet. i can only walk past as quickly as possible to return to chemistry revision. not sleeping tonight. not that it helps, but...since there's this ct-atmosphere around, might as well take adv. i dont know when i'll be free to touch my lecture notes again.

[2] just got this yummy-looking article frm teacher frm public policy prog. but it's so long i can only close the adobe window and promise myself, i'll get to pour through it after a few days. i love reading non-fiction. just like how im mugging non-fiction now, minus the grades and failing part, i would love to 'learn' chemistry everyday.

my time alone

2006-06-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

the only time there is 'time' is in the earlee mornings, like now.
grandparents leaving and we had numerous dinners and outings that robbed me of much time. then again, it's that feeling of knowing you love being robbed of time 'this way' sometimes, if those times arent The Times before The Commontests. i worry i spend my life away not making time to do things i really like.

well. on a lighter note, i shall share with you the joys of frozen fruits. on today's menu is freezabulous- magical- grapes. (seedless) See! they are magically, gravity-defying. that's not all! if you are a frozengrapeguru, you get frozengrape-biscuit!

another recipe worth trying out is the powerful-prozen-pineapple. just slice em out, dump it in your freezer, and fish one out when you're abt to fall asleep, -->mugging. =\ (what else) i've got many more photos from grandpa's stay-home-birthday dinner.

[1] i love it when it's past midnight, and silence penetrates through the entire house. and it starts drizzling. it's wheee! cold beverage out and curl up to ... mug. =) but how much of this quiet can i bargain for, before i 'knock it down' in sleeping position, haha. ohwells :[2] birthday is coming soon. 14 days more isit? on the 7th, July. hope the poolparty materializes.
[3] i've been showered with cash by my grandparents. cash spent, cash given. grandpa & grandma were saying whatever i want, they'll give, but i must tell them. mum was telling me that perhaps the one thing i need is 'time'. which sadly, no one can buy me. true.

toll free hotline

2006-06-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

" ... you may here periods of long silences but please remain on the line..."
- adobe photoshop activation hotline

how true.

rant

2006-06-18T22:35:00.001+08:00

i feeling very sleepy. why.
my new camera's spoiled. why.
i feel stupid. why.
not enough time. why.
fingers cannot move fast enough to diff guitar chords. why.
im still annoyingly unruffled. why.
urgh. why what. why yourself. why off.

:) i've never been in a better mood. believe me.

happy papas' day.

2006-06-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

this is perhaps the first time in many years we're having not 1, but 2 papas under one roof for fathers' day celebrations. dad decided to push dinner a day forward so he can drink more without thinking too much abt work on monday.

my papa. the older generation :)

cheers (: eatup drinkup

promulgation...!

2006-06-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

i've mastered chords G, A, D, E for guitar. C, C#min, F#min sounds funny.
must ask charissakhor on sunday.
yay.
(whispers: this is such a waste of time!) ohwells.

drunk in the books.

2006-06-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

carlsberg, heineken. sakae? back to the french cellars? green tea then? plain water?!?

two weeks away frm cts.

2006-06-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

my grandma bought me and my sis a tea set for our study. there's a teapot, milk jug and sugar bowl. our two tea cups are different. mine's a coffeecup kind of cup. my sis has a taller one. this is suppose to facilitiate my studying, so i can concentrate or... become smarter (please?). yep. my grandparents are here and, it's always keeping them company unless they sleep or nap. Im beginning to feel very tired mentally already. anyways. im going to fall sick soon. my throat has been very ~idunnowhat. my sister tossed me the special services sign saying im retarded and i need that last night when we went crazy. can't remember over what. yawns.

Church Retreat 2006

2006-06-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

Before Retreat = returned from ccal camp - failed miserably to blog on time. two days of major council meetings, and i simultaneously rushed about the rehearsals for ics night. but the people in the dance provided the BEST company. everyone of them. =) pre-during-post performance was just a total High. narpalwenxintimonronaldjieyinganitasarahfarhanisterencelinusdarren.

After performance, i started packing luggage for retreat at 10.30. just grabbed random clothes, counted the number of days on my fingers, figured out there are more than that number of sets of clothes and snapped my case shut. easy sum. goodbye to parents hello to freedom. goodbye to order, hello to sisterly-living. heh. jk.

Room 461. compared to room 525, we deserve to get the housekeeper's fav. room award. me and my sis slept on a bed cos somehow, we were freezing. and weebit scared. i can tell you the story of "the shadows and mists of the balcony doors okaY".
food was so-so. worship and sermons were quite alright. night entertainment was a little above average. overall, it was enjoyable and worthit. such things always get a gd grade from me, cos i) im usually quite gracious and generous abt things outside of my control and ii) im uncontrollably positive manyatimes. so, yea. OHyes. the discussion groups were the most fruitful. got to spend time with many people as well so, as i said, worth it. alright - more than worth it.

[you have to squint] the pool was The Life. sadly - i mean, given all the algae and moss (my biggest fears) and blahblah. but i spent three afternoons in it cos we were having - watercaptain's ball matches? guys against girls, frm lil kids to um, more mature adults. had a wonderful time. of course, the game got rougher by the day and i can never forget the 5 girls anchoring/dunking renjie the catcher. he got scratched like crazy. i escaped unscathed, but stomached a lot of pooljuice. grosss. the adults played well...not bad! Oh. wait. i was scratched! by a hissingcat/barkypuppy/little girl. she's quite adorable and amusing but piggybackrides for alyssa-tay has to be guy-given, in water or on land. didnt go kayaking cos the sea and beach (er, what beach) were terrible. i heard the guys had fun, though my sister managed to reach another resort with a so-she-says very beautiful beach. given the guoman beach standard, i believe her, easily.

on the last night, the ex-y4s congregated for an illegal gathering nxt to the no-entry sign at the bridge of the pool. pastor tim joined us and minusing the bad cushioning and fatigue, i enjoyed myself very much. those short sermonettes were much more my-appetite, i must say. ended our 'chat' at 1.30++am and returned to my room, finding my sister busy with something else. thanks to leanne, charissakhor and vivian for accompanying me. i was a teenyweeny bit scared within a minute of entering the room. and they came over to entertain me. so nice. got chaperoned down to 525 and planned to wait for sunrise service. but one by one, the boys died. =
oh. for talent night, our group made a kprbc cheer. it actually sounded quite alright! okay. the bus-ride back was retarded cos i got myself a bump by leaninig against that window thingy at the window. ouch.

ohwells. better pull up my socks and do some catchingup and revision...so many distractions. so many Better things to look forward to, to hope for. bye port dickson. hello singapore & sch work.

ccal camp

2006-06-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

campABLE - 4 days, 3 nights. generally, the camp was not tough enough, but it was enjoyable =) i really mean to do up a cool post now (as of 31May 12.59am) but as soon as i got started, my eyelids started to flutter and close. meeting tmr morning for council. modern and ics production dance. goodnight world.

ohkays! break up into four days la ok.

Dayone = arrived at indoor gym with my giganormous backpack, sleepybag, shoebag and brownies. was very happy to receive the dryfit campshirt. lots of people arrived late and that was a spectacularly horrible phenomenon, in short. squeezed up the bus to tanahmerahferryterminal. the ferry was comfy and i loved all the bumps and waves. but xiangyu was sea-sick and vomited in between me and christopher. he ended up napping the hour's ride so i turned to the narrow gap between the window and seat to talk to raymond. he was being solemn and philosophical abt how amazing the sea is, how it's so hard to imagine what it is like under that layer of water. ya. i think the sea is so powerful and wonderful..however, because of my severe excitment, i cld not manage to be too reflective/philosophical.

arrived at campsite, to find myself raising my eyebrow at the name of the campsite. 'campABLE'. isit suppose to be a confidence booster/reassurance that the campsite is 'campable'? was laughing abt it with chris. sat around, met my teacher i/c. super nice pe teacher. mr koh. changed into clothes for rafting. at rafting, we had so much trouble getting our raft made. we untied tied untied tied untied tied....last group to finish the raft, but thanks to j2 serene and mr koh, our raft went out the furthest. the beach and sea were really nice and after we rafted back, a few of us went to swim. oh and raymond picked shells - he was teaching me to take the vomit bag frm the ferry to contain shells -.-

at first i was lamenting abt how i knew almost everyone in my group already, but i guess it's quite fun to be with friends you know la. then, we went back to shower. i was smart and repaired a shower curtain with julia's rubber band (though it got lost later) and managed to shower really quickly. the food packs were horrible, but good enough for camp food. like julia told me on the second night, yea, im pretty upset with how a lot of people just wasted food cos 'it doesn't taste nice'. maybe im a bit mean, but, be a leader, not a wimp. come on, it's a camp, so eat up and be more gracious perhaps? [stones pelt on kunman. woah. she's so judgemental and critical, uh?]

our solo group campout was along the beach! =] was super funny cos someone read the 'BEWARE: sandflies beyond this line" sign as 'sharks'. and yaozheng was saying we can have sharksfin. yea, so the sandflies were really horrible okay. we had great food! and we survived with the solid fuel tablets. we had an extra gas lamp, so that's to the group who took our stove! we even had brownies for dessert. we strolled along the beach as a team after dinner and jeremy and ms lio provided entertainment, talking abt a lot of uh, well crap/trash. but it was super funny. haha...walked back to do reflections and i felt it went q. badly. the tent was stuffy, but i stayed in cos i was scared of the sandflies. we talked across the boys' and girls' tents and tried to come up with a story.

Daytwo = had nasilemak. thankgdness there were biscuits. and the tea was very nice! i felt happy there was ice. we were told it was bound to rain. but still, we headed out for the wakatobi jungle trail. sure enough, after first checkpt, it started pouring. we were all soaked through, but thank God for the rain. i can't imagine a hot, stinky, sticky, mosquitoey hike! so we navigated, and raymond gave our group a bonus one hr of fun bashing thru plants because he keyed in the wrong coordinates and country on our GPS. (Global Positioning System) but we were so positive abt bashing through the mud/grass/trees that the j2 and our teacher willingly went along with us! =] after that, we did highropes in the afternoon, thanks to the sunny weather. did dual dangle. paired up with xiangyu. thanks for lending me your shoulder to step up on man! im a good belayer. amy says.

Daythree = sleeping in that tent was awful! we did kayaking! kayaked with jeremy. we were how super fast, so fast we nearly pissed off the pointer dude. the sea and beach were really beautiful. onlyregret is that i DID NOT spot a single jellofish or any living thing. on the return leg of the journey, me and jeremy volunteered to be the sweeper - to secure our bottoms on the much coveted pink kayaks. jeremy rescued many people on the way physically. i, uh, cheered them on- very important as well. haha. nextup and lastup, team building. so happy we got steven to facilitate, he's how cool. games are quite ordinary, but i think DeltaOne enjoyed themselves. highlight was of course the stripshow by xiangyu and jeremy. campfire was really messy, but i appreciate the work of the org. comm. it's definitely not easy! what was lacking was spirit and cooperation. boo to whoever it may concern. shame. grand dinner was a compilation (hopefully a fresh compilation) of all the packet food we got for the past few days. it was a rude surprise but still, it was good enough for a camp. HIGHLIGHT: there were so manymany stars in the sky. it's not just "wow, so many stars". i was "o.o-ed" and i would describe the nightskies to be 'Littered' with skies flung everywhere. no order. but it was so pretty. times like these you just want to lie down in the sand (minus the bugs) and marvel at God's meticulous handiwork. walked back with emily. i really miss working with emily. Thank goodness she's in council and i try to catch her for a chat whenever i can. and the things we talk abt ah...tsk...require strict environmental conditions.

last day = strike tents, packup, eat, play, rest, walk. the sleeping-bag drink was the best. softdrinks are too fizzy, others too sweet. returned home. byebye Bintan. lovely Bintan.

last callout

2006-05-26T21:04:00.001+08:00

9.44pm: boo! say hello to the CCIC for council camp, 2007.
say byebye now,
cos tmr i going to the sunny shores of Bintan.

10.44pm : So hard to pack for camp =\ i count and count the number of set of clothes i need and i lose count and lose count, again and again...how i wish i can abracadebra everything
into place...my fairy godmother....my angel...urgh...

hoarse

2006-05-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

im really losing my voice.
either that or
im getting a new voice that sounds horribly unlike my own.

BUT
i love Raffles

quick one.

2006-05-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

[1] match support everyday... my voice runaway!

[2] my mama sends me coolio capital lettered smses nowadays.

sample one: "WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.. FROM SUNRISE TO SUNSET!!". at first i thought she was trying to be poetic or funny cos she was bored, then i realised it was cos i didnt give her a call on reaching school for my gp common test. so i called her at once.

[3] GP common test : Li Kun Man, terrigible time management for your paper two. For paper one, you better go and check out the rubrics they use to mark spam! =|

[4] eight wings, one down! just came back frm xmenIII preview. went to macs with some og mates - shinjung and swapnil. ogl - senthil. and the one with the amusing laughter - Rng. talked about childhood tv shows, about disney...hohoho. felt so happy =)

[5] i really can't wait for bintan. i dread the packing part though. and the studying partS that will follow soon after.

a blur.

2006-05-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

--> the dried roses frm dance night are ready for ornamental storage, but my mummy says these geberas cannot be kept cos they seem to be rotting away. i suppose it's due to the structure of them, that they retain a bit of water, so you need to be very proactive in the initial drying stages. so bye to one big bundle of them. mum brought these in so i took a pic of the few of them.

ohwells. council invest is over. rugby finals are over. the hockey and netball matches are too. so's basketball. i dare not blog abt them cos words wont do justice to the experience i had over the past week. and it's like a bottle containing all those snapshots and scenes frm the past week, i just see thru the transparent bottle, not wanting to pour them out, cos im afraid i spill them over, that i'll miss something somehow...and it's because i've so much HW to catch up on...=\ anyways, they were very memorable, because of the 'people factor'.

special mention goes to the people in my investdancegrp. personally, there's no way i could have stayed patient, with smiles and encouragement, stretching over 2+ weeks, if not for your spurring me on- thru your responses. there was an issue abt the costume, and i hope u understand where im coming frm cos ultimately, i believe i made the right choice. i hope you've had a verypositive and enjoyable experience. u guys met challenge in the face and made my efforts worth the while. was esp. touched when i)the girls practiced hard on that sat morn, and interrupted me, saying ' eh, kunman, we show you the dance, but we count.' then they went counting and doing the actions so carefully, concentrating so hard...so sincere. totally meltable. ii) we were having grp practice under the night sky (whatever time it was?!?) and you guys hummed/sang 'jeremiah was a bullfrog' a little, and then exploded in the 'joy to the world chorus.' if not for time (it's always time - is it not), i wld have sat down to just watch you guys and marvel at how amazing you all looked and sounded. '=]

on a lighter note, i think i've found a new friend. instant soup packs. it's the last wk of sch...very busy...as always?!?

im looking forward to ccal camp at bintan, though it sounds so troublesome and though i know like almost everyone from my grp but hopefully, i'll still meet new and interesting people.but then there's the issue abt studying for tests and making-it for church retreat rehearsals, maybe i shld just backout. so busy.

over the seas and along those telephone lines.

2006-05-14T20:26:00.000+08:00

mothers' day today. called my two grandmas.
paternal grannie: she's how strong and sharp a woman. quick in thinking and it's cool to listen to her stories. she's always convincing. she can assure you of how well she's doing. her social circle and her yum cha buddies <3
maternal grannie: im closer to her, prolly cos she took care of me since i was young. before i left her for singapore. i always want to call her up. always. it doesnt matter we dont talk about global affairs, or about anything 'spectacular'. but at the same time, im always afraid to call her. because i get reminded of how pathetic circumstances are.

we talk about what she does everyday, which park she walks in, the route she takes, whether the new trees her estate has is tall enough to give shade. about other grannies in her social circle who congregate at the central pond area. about the restaurant she goes to yum cha at everyday, how on certain days there are so many old folks she can't seem to find a seat. about how she would stroll home again, eat and watch tv, then turn in for bed, waking up the nxt morning at six for the same old new activites. i told her it isnt just her...people who work nonstop go through perhaps - more boring routines than her?

we both agree it's already a blessing to be able to walk and sit as you wish at her age. to me, sometimes it's standing on the edge, not knowing whether you are living full-out for the rest of your life, or waiting for fresh death from your many living years. things can get so dreary if you have no purpose. [therefore, Look to God!:)]

i told her about my holiday plans. about how im not paying a single thing for ccal camp. she says 'of course! it justifies the fact you are giving your strength and energy. the money shld be given to you.' her simple logics. <3 i tell her im going for church retreat at dickenson. she exclaims im going to so many places, and she says she wonders what i'll grow up to be...

and whether she'll be around to see be become what i shall be.

grandma says it doesnt matter whether she'll be around to see me then. she says she knows things will work out well for me. all these things, life and death, poured into the measuring cylinder of time, are obvious whether they are spoken or not. but everytime i speak to her, i really want to kick myself. im afraid of taking the reading on the scale. im afraid to see no markings on the cylinder, or blurred markings, or to commit deadly parallex errors.

what matters most to me? even now, im so darn sure i'll be in for regret. deep regret for not spending time whenever possible with her. but, somehow, sometimes, we can't be choosers. sometimes your choice is not in the options. I try my best to give my best at every instance possible. but somethings just dont measure up. i just cannot give her all she would deserve. i'll keep trying. but, for how long. there's no forever.

i think it would be fantastic if i could just thrash out the least talked about issues with her, openly talk to her about all those gray areas that we both know exist. but somehow, because of circumstances, i just try my very best to make frequent small talk with her, just to make sure she knows that i love her so much. i think she gets it. uh huh, and then?

everytime i hear her speak, it's torture blinking and dabbing away the tears, keeping my voice normal, injecting that laugh, mind ticking away to get on to another topic. im so darn weak inside la. lousy crap. God, i feel so helpless. im trapped behind the very bars i hammered into the ground. it's not even a case of 'i want to do so much'. i just want to do a little more each time, and everytime, i feel like kicking myself.

and it's always across those telephone lines. those thin lines sparrows perch on. so many thin lines, im very afraid i lose trace of our right of the line we share.

it's like a payphone. u keep feeding coins. but your session times out. you know how it feels when you feed in a coin, and that coin just comes out through the other end, and the screen continues to blink "Insert Coin". Sometimes, you see your session timing out, and you try to dig so hard for that coin you thought you saw in your purse but you can't find it anymore. Othertimes, when you insert a coin, you get through to an answering machine, or worse still, no one picks up on the other end, or it's cos that number's 'no longer in use'. and it's as though that coin sucking machine sadistically swallows even your last coin up. You can only cling on to your coin purse. count your coins. what's your financial strategy to have enough coins, and not to forget to use 'em well?

lizard attack

2006-05-14T01:40:00.000+08:00

im sitting here, legs tucked up, in a painful wince.
i just came back from my shower, and i...met...a lizard in the shower..and...i was really very scared.
my parents are asleep and there's no way i can call out to them from the bathroom. no one will be able to hear me, so i splashed water on it, to try to guide it up the ceiling, so i can bathe. but no, it couldnt grip onto the walls too well with the water, and it was taking too long. i was so desperate and suddenly, i had the idea to lift up the drain cover, pick up the shower head and blast it down into the drain. it wasnt a big lizard. it was a baby one. but houselizards are so ugly because they look so whimsy and pale and jelloy and sticky and icky. i blasted it down the wall, on the floor, and it was struggling so badly. finally, i got it into the drain, and i gathered all my courage to flip the drain cover back down. i swear that when i turned off the shower head, i just leaned against the toilet door, in utter shock, and i was really going to just cry. it was a lose-lose situation. i prolly frightened it more than it shld frighten me, but i was really so scared, there was also no way i could bathe. and throughout my whole bath, i was so scared it would climb up the drain again. i was traumatised and ready to just run to the other corner of the bathroom to sob. silly stupid cowardy me. im afraid of moss too. tell me about me. boohoo. =\ what i did tonight was the bravest thing i did - other than helping to use newspapers to hit a lizard/clearing lizard carcasses. i hate the latter. where's my daddy...='(

couldnt resist

2006-05-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

julia reminded me about the poem mr tan showed us at council meeting.

Leisure by William Henry Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Sometimes we get all hyped up about action and work, about 'doing something'. We dont even know what, but, 'doing something' seems better than doing nothing. But it's a luxury to be able to stand and stare, to just observe and think, on your feet. Try, at the end of your busy day, to capture/recall just one 'screenshot' of your day on fast forward mode. what do you remember? was it that moment of bitter anger amounting to hate, that moment of relief at a test postponed, a wrong word spoken. or do you remember nothing at all.

don't dance too fast, cause the music wouldn't last...

True, 'regret' is an awful feeling no one reaches out palms wide for. i used to think that must be the most awful feeling i want to swerve around. (my sis will know. at theme parks, i try my best to just step on every ride cos i dont want to 'regret'. that's a small trivial thing. of course there are more incidents that hold deeper significance. i'll tell you more *) but don't be afraid of regret. cos with each measure of regret you've got, it's a new chance to put things in perspective, to convert your share of regret into something productive. everything happens for a reason, or so i Choose to believe. Watching hotel rwanda in Segments disturbing. maybe having it in small doses is better, i don't know, and i dont care, cos that's not the point. There are two ways i'm watching the movie in. mode one: very emotionally-'participative'. makes me cry very easily. mode two: 'marking' the movie, catching on the details and expressions, taking it as a report/essay assignment and thinking hard about all the issues, in a more 'analytical mode'. not 'close' to tears at all. i dont know which is better.

it's better to let lose but i dont want to watch it, shed them (the tears), feel nauseous, and then, 'think' nothing of it after two days. And such things are happening everyday in the world, albeit on a smaller scale. And i'm here, on assignment, to be 'their voice'. Each of us is assigned that task, with the deadline being each day of our lives. I'll never forget zhenghong saying 'everyday is once in a lifetime'. perhaps he was making one of those random comments but, he scored with this one la.

throughout the week, i was home late everyday, staying back for council stuffs. as much as i feel the time spent doing council stuff is justifiable, i think we councillors shld not neglect the 'ministry' right at our doorstep. our friends should not feel robbed of us. we musnt forget the seemingly 'minute' details. we're serving the school, yes, but the school has to serve itself. at the end of the day, (you may call it a viscious cycle) the school serves her own history, her present glory/shame and her future to come. it's everyone holding up each pillar. and given the sophisticated architecture of our bishan campus, we need everyhand, so let's UNITE.

so on my way home each night, i'll be thinking, and here are some things i thought about, not many cause i cant renember them now.

[1] 'Getting along'. Sometimes, there's that dude in that corner you just dont understand, that girl you just cannot stand. Other times you look around you and you just dont get why on earth that creature down there doesn't get you. many a times, we just reason it out with our own flawed logics and commonsenses (i wonder how common is common given we're unique. if all humans actually shared a 'common' sense, many things shld not be happening.) At the end of the day, let's just take a step back and get over the greatest hurdle. Look into the mirror. Can you stand yourself? Do you understand 'you'? Get Along With Yourself first. =)

[2] i remembered my maternal grandpa one night. I know he's passed away, but i never felt him 'dead'...after the night i knew he was gone, i dont think i cried more than 10 times. that's cause i still feel he's just 'gone down to the shops' if he isnt at his home in HK. Sometimes i just forget and say 'four' when people ask how many of my grandparents are still around. When making festive cards to mail overseas, I still put his name down on my checklist. I remember his voice...his backview, his footsteps, his pace, his face, his expressions. See, recalling sucks, cos it makes me cry. But really, people just slip away like that.

Right now, below my keyboard 'tray' are two drawers next to each other. in one of them is a voice recorder. i wont even bother looking. but before my grandpa got admitted into hospital to remove his tumour, a trip that removed him from the face of this earth, i had a conversation with him over the phone. i knew i was being morbid, and i tried so hard to look as if i want to attempt something 'silly/cool' in front of my sister so i dont scare her, when i took a voice recorder, put it to the receiver and taped down a bit of the conversation. i was hopeful, but i was scared that i would lose my grandpa. Sure enough, the voice recording turned out pretty good. Sure enough, that was the last voice conversation i had with him. But i dare not listen to the tape. Im scared that when i put on the tapes, i can't locate that last recording. i dont think im in denial cos im fine with him gone in a sense, since nothing can be done about such things. so, recording down the convo was a sensible thing i did? but what good does that serve now?

at least, i did 'something'?

amarante

2006-05-07T19:09:00.001+08:00

it's over. thanks wenmin, julia, kelvin, jingwen and michelle for da tags.
wenmin: i think we miss your batch. see you girls next year.
julia: that's a secret! shh.. heh.
kelvin: thanks =] thanks heexun and the funny lingting for coming down too.
jingjing: abs...er, i have abs. eyeliner...er, i used eyeliner. that's all! nothing much. dude, it was a wonder i spotted you in the crowd! i mean...you know what i mean? heehee.
michelle: thanks for the praises for your braider. felt so pained for you when you came in after hip hop with tears in your eyes, sobbing that your knee disjointed. but you went on and yea, you went on, danced on, and im proud of my employer =) yes. rg dance night, then blahblahblah. hohoho. bye perv. II

hope everyone enjoyed the concert and it was worth it paying for that ticket of yours. there's more to come for me. so exciting.

everyone, must send me photos.

breathe

2006-05-06T15:04:00.001+08:00

first night's over. and everything was such great joyy except for looking for my friends after the concert. couldnt find so many of them, so i just told them to forget it. i wasnt alone cos a few of my friends couldnt find their friends, and after a while, i started giving away my flowers. it's not in the flowers anyway i guess. the rushing for costume changes and makeup changes is so fun =]

one last night to go. through the pants, i'll be holding my breath, till the end of the concert, when you dont know whether you should 'exhale', cos once you do, amarante has ended, and it's back to studying? (I HOPE.) but i have to exhale - cos i inhaled, get what i mean?

victoria theatre, here i come again.
praise God for a wonderful concert we had last night.

=Q

2006-05-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

dance makes me so high and happy.
but yet. i hate it that i have to stone in between items, when i think of the work im piled up with.
worse still, tmr there's math test.
i know im going to fail already, so that doesnt matter.
it's just...this whole thing that is making me SLIGHTLY tired, and little annoyed.
im enjoying myself calculating net feel, but, sigh. sometimes i just feel a wee bit exasperated ok?

cows and goats and ginger nuts

2006-05-01T14:43:00.000+08:00

Ginger Nuts Mcvities
- are a little too sweet, but nice.
Goats' Milk
- the bottle tells you something very important.
Moo Moo Cup
- my father says it looks like a vase.

my little friend.

2006-05-01T00:34:00.000+08:00

special packeted chicken wing.
there's probably a lot of preservatives.
it was salty also.
but easy to chew and eat. oohlala. sexy wing.
that little rascal =) came over...look at the cheeky grins and the climbing-all-overs, doing her coloring, and adult-talking in that kiddo-lingo with me..

Lightning!

2006-04-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

why's there so much lightning nowadays?
cos PM Lee has called on an election, for a much longed-after 100% PAP victory.

My daddy was watching an elections' Special programme today when i came home, so i stood around as i drank up the juice, ate up the bread and slurped up the icecream. yeayea, elections are every 5-6 years and, i was just talking to my daddy on the way home that:

= the pap is so rich they can call for rallies with gd facilities and blah. i mean, compared to chiam see tong, he meets his residents in a cubicle!

As much as I do agree that some of the opposition members are not 'up to the mark', it sure takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you are convicted about. No matter how lousy they are said to be, sometimes, i look at a particular 'opposition member', and comparing him or her to some random pap member, im just more certain of the inner conviction that feels the workers' party dude or democracy fighter dude.

and, it takes a lot of sacrifice as well! are you going to fight against the pap, and then look for a govt-related job? im highly skeptical that the Singapore society (or pap's nation) is that forgiving. I would like to think they are kind of blacklisted. they should be included in the yellow-ribbon project.

= they interviewed this lady running for elections. She claimed that although there were significant 'improvements' in the opposition's educational qualifications, in terms of character, there are still 'problems'. What a harsh Comment! Imagine if the opposition said that!?! confirm sue until their pants fall off! I mean, I dont care how qualified either party is, but my juniorcollege brain tells me that is an attack that sounds quite personal. You may say that person does not have the personality/devotion to do the job, but slamming one's character (ren2 pin3) is a tad too much.

= i cannot stand the lift-upgrading carrot. everyone pays taxes right? and why did SM Goh have to say 'i checked his(Chiam's) checkbook'? If Chiam is elected, he will be a representative for his people, to press for liftupgrading - WITH government funds, WITH the People's $. That's that. It's whether the 'need' is justified. I'm just a little freaked out, the way Pap appears to ask for votes - asking whether you 'want' the lift upgrading/facilities as an exchange.

= this pap dude pointed to the opposition and said, 'even the hanging of posters are done in the dead of the night', suggesting they are not confident/efficient. UNCLE! use yur coconut and stir up the brain bits. you pay yur pap dudes with govt. funds/priviledges. the opposition only has volunteers who can only start work after their office hours. poor them!
= it's a thin line between haughtiness and confidence. cross it and it gets annoying to the more opinionated/educated people. check yourselves. go womens. Sigh. im for the current system, kind of, but whywhywhy is the PAP so desperate, it's disappointing to see the way they 'fight'. it's gross attitudinally. And why do you keep using the 'for the good of Your children' idea? a little more political choices wont impale my children right? if you let me learn to choose.

go gahmen, and go oppositions. happy labour day. labour on.

something made my heart beam

2006-04-25T22:06:00.000+08:00

on monday, the day after council camp ended, i was rushing off for school (as usual), packing my bag/desk in a rush (as usual) and grabbing things i might need for school off my two rooms (as usual) and i saw a note from daddy-o and mummy. this is what it said:

"Hi Man Man,
Ma and I are proud you can get through the councillor camp and kept your word for serving the aged.
Love, from Ma and Da.

[1] i totally enjoyed camp. the physical bits were just...so shiok. i, for one, love myself too much or rather, im just not disciplined enough to make myself do crunches. so imagine the inner joy amidst the suffering when there was someone with a whistle, making me do pushups and crunches over the entire weekend! seriously, though it was painful and tiring at some instances, and we were all worn out.
[2] helping this old lady frm church clean up her place was quite an experience. Im glad i honored my word, still going to help after council camp. God gave me strength and joy. though i was almost 'finished' after that. got home so late on sunday. i was, by then, mentally exhausted too. too many things seen and felt.
[3] 'ma' and 'da'... what kind of shortforms!?!

it's been a long day.

2006-04-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

lessons as usual today. econs started off horribly with rude studs and a faulty aircon. bio was just a blur, with many familiar sec sch bio terms flying through the air. bio spa was great! i love bio spas. that kind of tables/graphs/analysis you need to do really doesnt require brainwork. -i mean, compared to chem spas. bio spas are nothing. can just switch off your brain and just do artandcraft and get a nice curve. civics was Kinder Surprise! i)i used to get my grandpa to buy kindersurprise for me. yea. the passedover maternal grandpop. paternal grandpop always got me toblerone. i loved the toys and considering me and my sis fixed up a helicopter over easter, (which my daddy nailed to the bathroom wall), the toy i got today was well..mildly depressing. But nothing can dampen the joy of receiving individual kindereggs from ms lio. =]

oh. my easter saturday was dampened by the dinner visitation from my dad's ex-colleague from hk. my dad is such a gifted entertainer/chatter when the ocassion calls for it. poor daddy-o had to entertain people he evidently could not stand.

today (as i was saying, and as i started out to talk about), was Long. after school, i decided against going to thomson plaza. cos it was really too hot, and cos im near-brokerage and cos i had a long day ahead - laziness. did my work in the library. im proud of my completed bio spas but, somehow, after i finished bio, the time i had left wasnt enough to start another major assignment (maybe that's an excuse) so i just stoned and slacked around. OH. we played with jingwen's camera. =]

thenn went for girls'hiphop. (cynthia calls it female hiphop). wanted to run a few rounds round the track after practice but laoshi came early, so we started contemp. dance prac almost immediately. thank gdness i had a substandard chicken burger at 4. finally. laoshi's dance is completed and we're having indian percussion with chinese clogs with malay song. how multiracial. quite cool, really.

und dann, we washed out feet at the washbasins =| no choice =| and i rushed home for dinner. ate carrot cake and im going to grab dessert...yea..i can't help it. wed's napfa. i shall run beside azi and just get it over and done with. 2nd last napfa before i can escape the gahmen's clutches, since i can escape NS.

HIGHLIGHT of today was really...
=something freaky that happened on the busride home.
=something i expected to happen that has happened and it's not a happy thing...cos my grandma has moved out of my uncle's home to stay on her own. it's pretty complicated and i dont understand and my mother is understandably upset (as i've told some of you earlier on).
I love my grandma. really.
I'll elaborate more on the freaky thing soon. VERY dramatic. =D stay tuned.

council balloting's over and i havnt bathed and i've got lots of hw and i need to eat dessert. so busy. Enjoy life, dudes =] OH. i had custardapple that my mum planted just now. very nice. my mummy's gardening's not bad. so far, we've had our own chillies and starfruits, and custard apple. i want her to grow watermelon next.

supersaturdaysupermarket

2006-04-15T16:22:00.000+08:00

dance in the morning...so many dance practices now...i like, but...no time to catch up on my school work also. it's going to be an eventful week ahead, come what may, or come what may not. im thankful for this slightly longer weekend, though it hasnt been productive so far, because i've been investing in the intangibles. [nonacademic stuffs]

after dance, i met my parents and sista for lunch?brunch?. the sister was going for ballet, parents were going supermarketing. or rather, coldstoraging. grabbed icedcoffeemocha and cheeseburger. i ordered icedcoffeemocha 'jelly'. but i guess the lady didnt catch my last impt word. but nvm. i love mix-and-matching my food from everywhere. my daddy often says how macdonalds can keep selling the same unhealthy things for decades and still earn money, while you have eateries that keep introducing desperate offers and sales and yet closedown.

after the sister left, we went supermarketing. finally...after so long, im in a supermarket again. it's good to have a say as to what goes into the cart. got to choose the milk i want, the juice i want, the granolas/muesli i want, the shampoo/showergel i want, the gingerdigestives i want, the coke i want, the beef i want, the icecream i want, the tobasco i want, the tomato sauce... the cart-contents were so colorful and 'right'! then daddy bought beers cos he says the bottles are nice. dont they sell em everywhere? they have coke and sprite also what. heh, but i dont mind having the bottles. i need more bottles for my dried flowers. they're all crammin up in the wine bottles.

on our way home, i managed to chat with my parents. it's been..very long since i had time to talk to them, and actually, i never have time. but today i made time for them and i definitely enjoyed myself...at the expense of my work though. it's worth it i guess.

the only mistake-purchase for today is the shower gel. chose the wrong flavour la...they should have samples for us to try/smell or something. and seriously, the names and taglines on those products tell you NOTHING about 'em. 'calming', 'soothing'...[what's the diff?!?]--these are the different flavours for some brand. i tried to imagine 'calming' and 'soothing' along the supermarket aisle but to no avail. and puhlease! i am certain no shower gel can 'calm' me down, if im really really stressed/disturbed. i bet.

the wrath of marketing! so i skipped to the next brand and picked the color instead -- only to realise in the shower that the showergel i bought carries the smell of a whole 'body-shop' shop.
so i kept spinning around to smell myself. and i asked my mum if the showergel stinks and the clever mama wittily commented that "i think you not only have sensitive skin, you have an overly sensitive mind". alright, mother.

balloting on monday... and this is icky...why must they use That photo? wincewhinewince.

what green. emerald green.

2006-04-14T18:26:00.000+08:00

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

superme RUNNING.

2006-04-08T20:28:00.000+08:00

i think it's the first time i ran 4.5 km with my dad, i think first time in my life. i did run with him before, but...can't really remember la.
so started off with my dad making me to warmups...so serious and strict about it...k la, since he's so sincere...hard to disobey him when he is reasonable.
so ranranran...and we finished like 3.6?km...then my dad asked me whether it's enough already. i said 'okay' and slowed down and 'stopped' and all that. THEN. he said 'Oh. another round, come on.' daddy-o...!!! i exclaimed my bewildered 'no'. but daddy-o says that it's the last lap when you 'said' no and you still run another that you build up your 'willpowerrr' and muscles.
me: but i don't need muscles!
dad: then you want fats?
me: no...i don't want muscles......[mutters..]
dad: quick. [goes on breathlessly about his 'last lap theory']

Again. it's so hard to refuse when he's sincere. so. okay la. and we were going at a pretty fast pace and pace was kept constant throughout...except for the lastlast lap - i raced up the slope cos i was so glad it's over. i didn't feel tired at all seriously. somehow, when i run in school, i feel lazier and less motivated. this time with all the uphills, i .... just ran. k la. i know 5km not a lot. zhenghong is probably laughing at me or giving me the 'are you kidding ' look but...given that i dont like running. i really dont like. i think it's quite gd ready, cos i surprised myself. i dont usually give myself positive surprises..hee..ya. so. let's see if daddy-o makes me fall in love with running. stay tuned.

Ohokay. im going to try something...special...LINKING it to 'running'.
Student Council campaigning is taking place. and im running for council. i didn't tell my parents till friday? cos...sometimes you dont want to fail and many a times, you dont want the whole world to know you failed. so forget publicity. BUT campaigning is publicity - if it helps at all. so there's just one thing i need to tell everyone now.

there's a person you should give one of your ten votes to.
she's Kun Man.

ohahrehayye.

2006-04-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

i conclude that bloggin on your own blog is different frm blogging on the class blog

[1] strollathon was very tedious! the strollering pioneers from 3L chose to take this challenging route. later, we re-routed for a carbo-stock-up and even encountered the bishan-gay, or so he's called. reached school at 7plus and got my tshirt. not polo, but design's quite nice still. hung around with lulu and watched her derive cheap thrill through getting her juniors to greet her in the ncclowvoices. yea. i admit i miss lulu quite a bit. then we changed into our shirts and saw mr ktan. he says we look different. met up with the other lovelies and soon, we were flagged off. oh. lingting was with us. i think she's very amusing. so we targeted to be last and hung around at the back of the whole walkathon - wait. it was more like a strollathon for us. then, we sneaked through ri and reached rj super fast. met ian on my snoop back. then, we went to j8 for breakfast - though i didn't eat anything, cos i had a heavyy breakfast. we saw the bishan gay, but seriously, i) ri boys so daring and mean to him =[ ii) i think he's a very oppressed person. he probably imagines he has a tight schedule everyday and although it keeps him occupied, well, it's just...scary how sometimes living too much in your own world can be worse than denial. both are extremes and both involves living. it's back to the magic word 'balance' isn't it? how balanced is your life, dude.

[2] some 3L council campaigners had 'guard duty'. we were undercovers protecting the Lee Hsien Loong. We had special green lanyards and we were involved in canopy-snooping, to make sure no one attacks His Majesty in any way possible. We had camouflaged microphones and hidden earplugs. oh. must say thankyou to zhangrui and julia for helping me and yiding do the 10-11 shift duty. i mean, remembering that they had to rush back and everything voluntarily leh. then later, four of us did the 11-12 shift together. we had a good time standing around, doing silly things like pretending we had collar-clip mics on our shirts, and speaking into them like little retards. we pretended we had earplugs also la. we were so much more action than the real bodyguards. we're the real GUARDS. right after PM left, we helped ourselves to the special food at the centre of the canteen reception. quite ok. managed to talk to mr anselm chu...he's busy as usual. so i didn't want to remind him about the two wep certificates he still hasnt given to me. talked abt co-ed college life, and i must say ah, mr chu has some interesting information on....blahblahblah.(very hard to tell you). then he looked at me and julia and said something like "good lah, now see you all, all grow up ready..." HAHA. that shld be a compliment right? but deep-inside-my-heart, i know im still far from grown. managed to speak with mrs deborah tan also. rgs is so...familyish somehow. deborah tan is always like a mother...you know? in rjc, everyone's older and somehow, it's different. or at least, it's not the same, yet.

[3] haunted house was quite nice...but i reckon the queue for it will haunt our minds for quite some time. our troop of 3Lers braved through the ruins of old-shanghai night club. thanks milord for the free ticket! queued up very long. but i survived thanks to ernest's ipod and mingsing's icecream treat. the guy practically forced him to buy two icecreams. i realise it's super easy to talk boys into buying stuff. like how they just sucuumed to the advertising by the rgs girls for flowers and nearly - for some lollipops or something. after ora, i went campaign shopping with wanchee, wenxin and eleanor. =] you guys make me happy.

[4] some heroes went up against the needles. they did the finger prick test for the bone marrow donor programme. applaude 'em for donating blood juice. i went! not painful at all! it was like coloring with blood cos the indian guy had to squeeze out blood from my index finger to fill up the circle so they can take my blood and do sequencing. some people want to do the fingerprick test but they hope they dont get a match for bone marrow donation. shouldnt think that right? but in a sense, once u print down your blood, you'll feel obliged to donate if you are identified as a match. i know i would donate even if i get called up, two weeks from now. it's a very scary commitment, but you see, i firmly belive that commitments cannot be measured by 'size'. if it's a commitment. it's standard size. it deserves the same...commitment. i feel like jabbing myself in the ribs, but the more i was thinking abt it, the more i was praying that some time in my life, i hope i would be a match for 'somebody'. kunman......tsktsk....

so ends the week.

2006-04-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

ora tmr. i hope everyone has fun.

OH. Vote For Kun Man.

raindrops are fallin'

2006-04-03T19:20:00.001+08:00

was raining veryvery heavily today... if anyone was happy about all the thunder and lightning, it has to be this rose here. splashed with the little droplets of rainwater, it looked reallyvery beeuutiful. so sacrificial of milord & jingwen to sacrifice their gay bouquet to become april fool's roses.

wise men say...only fools rush in...but... '=) should i sing on? is this my song?

meaningfool april fool's. 06

2006-04-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

[1] i did not fall for kelvin's april fool's trick =] im so proud of myself. he was trying to con me that thomas smsed him that there's chem bonding I test on wed. heehee. Lousy. get well soon by the way.

[2] gavel clubs summit today!

+ i enjoyed myself cos i love emceeing, though i didn't talk much today. it just reminds me of the NE forums all over again. melissa kwee, ron dudley, cherian george, youth activism, citizenship, casino issue...the last forum was the best forum i had ever attended/chaired in rgs. as i was facilitating, i just can't help but miss the chemistry me and emily had. like, i can scribble her a sentence in awful, desperate handwriting e.g. 'end discussion', '2 more comments, 5 mins more' sort of thing and, she'll get it, and i know she gets it, you know? and and, when speakers drone and when participants go out of point and overboard, i can give her the sideway glance and tadum! she gets it. this time, emceeing was with zhiqi. he's a veryvery nice person to work with, i must say. but, (i know i can't blame him, and i dont expect him to change) he's still a guy and...that's very far from being an 'emily'. i know i told you, but, great job, dude. really.

+ i'm really impressed by the gavel club seniors. im really seeing a lot of effort, and..perseverance and pride in what they do and i must say that it is tremendously impressive and inspiring. it's a little unbelievable, and seeing it with my own eyes makes it seem even more unbelievable. u guys are....really capable.

[3] class dinner, then bdae party for rng and debch.
had a very nice singing session with julia. very nice harmonising. =] zhangrui can sing la. must sing more ah. then...me and mandre went to the party. it was a small group of osl04 folks. very cosy. very gd SATAY...! and so nice to meet ms tay again.

+/-? i am going to sound very critical here, but that doesnt mean im unfeeling and judgemental, ok? a lot of people are going on overseas service learning trips. i believe in miracles. i believe that not everything can be explained. perhaps, there's this sudden surge of generousity and compasasion that compels people to sign up for projects like queuing up for their next meal. but, should it ever cross your mind that you're going to do a service learning trip Overseas, because the cost of 'buying' that credit is so cheap to you, you are fooling the starving kids. you are cheating them and buying yourself a ticket to rob them of their innocence. there are somethings you cannot hide, and some mistakes you do not want to make. it is always the right time to do the right thing. i mean, no one's perfect, no human intention is ever purely pure...but...think about it, what does a service learning project mean to you...i just think there must be a lot more of reflection and thinking and involvement, right? im not an expert on this or anything like that but, think...think with your 'integrated' brain, this cannot be all.

back to nothing comes from nothing. nothing ever could. why do we pretend nothing's something and fool ourselves we've got that big bit to reach for, when you know inside you that nothing was there frm the start? and sometimes, shouldnt we challenge even established organisations? shouldn't we be more discerning/become more discerning when it comes to charity and socialwork organisations, no matter what 'umbrella' it's under?

im sure you'll be in for a very amazing experience, gracing the villages of the less-priviledge with your presence. you'll feel needed. you'll feel loved, you'll feel respected and important. but can that amount of money be used so that those guys on the other side of the globe can truly look at themselves and feel needed, lovable, respectable and important? how's the sustainability of your project? it's no good cos under such low standards on their part and on our (moral conscience) part, we're using that amt of money to tap goodness out of one another. real aid does not have to be 'seen', but your mainstream charity is. at the end of the day, where does the money go to? it's not even welfare loss (like in econs).

it's not like i've got a very good solution myself. it's not like i've always been perfect and all-knowing, but some things i know you know too. should you do thingA? one way perhaps is to think whether you want to be identified as having done A/you will dare to stand up and say you did thingA 10 years down the road. if you're not even sure of that, there is but, nothing. to talk about. nothing gives me the right to critic and judge, but i know that 10 years down the road, what i've said above is still going to be what i will stand up for. that perhaps, gives me, but a reason to be so daring and potentially-offensive. but i mean well, in much love.